I put on my robe and wizard hat.

[questionauthority]

Who: Edward Nigma, Ema Skye, Susan Sto Helit, Luke Triton, Lil' Slugger, and Death
What: The Riddler leads a merry band of adventurers on an epic quest for survival.
Where: In the realm of imagination (726 Anderson Lane)
When: Sunday, February 12th, 195X
Warnings: Potential for critical failures.

[You find yourselves in a crowded little dining room in 726 Anderson Lane, seated around a long table. There is a large grid laid out along the table, along with miniature figurines, pencils, papers, and multicolored die of different shapes and sizes. At the head of this table, hiding behind an elaborate screen is none other than your Dungeon Master, Edward Nigma.

> Roll for History

The Riddler received this tabletop RPG as a stocking stuffer this past Christmas, and after two months, it's finally time to put the game to good use.

> Roll for Bluff

Sorry, Puzzle Party Death House. There's no way you're getting out of this one. Instead...

> Roll for Endurance

Because by god, you're going to need it.]

Comments

PRE-GAME | CHARACTER SETUP

[questionauthority]

[Take a look at those character sheets in front of you. What sort of adventurer will you be? A daring fighter? A resourceful cleric? A cunning rogue? Be warned, of course, that there's no rogue nearly as cunning as the Riddler.]

EXPLORATION

[questionauthority]

[What will you be exploring, dear adventurers? Will you find yourselves in the midst of a disgusting cave, preparing to hunt down the vicious Black Bat that's been terrorizing the good people of a nearby town? Or will you chance a visit to the poor little town in order to enlist the aid of the most brilliant wizard known to man...?]

ENCOUNTERS

[questionauthority]

[Oh dear. It looks as if you've managed to find yourselves in a spot of trouble! You had better roll for initiative because from the look of it, this battle could get very deadly very quickly.]

POST-GAME | CLEANUP

[questionauthority]

[And after a long afternoon of adventuring, the game must come to a close. But no matter how many experience points you may have earned, you might have a more difficult time shaking off just how weird this whole experience is.]

MISC. SOCIALIZING

[questionauthority]

[For any other mingling, antics, or shenanigans that could very well occur!]

CHARACTER SETUP | INTRODUCTIONS

[hintcoinplz]

[After much hard work and much explanation, Luke thinks he has an idea what he's supposed to do now (although when it comes to actual rolling, he's going to need a lot of help. This is all brand new stuff to him after all).

And for once, Luke has put some thought and creativity into this! Well, somewhat. He originally wanted to make some kind of wizard character who seemed suspiciously similar to a certain professor in a top hat, but as he looks over the druid. He'll excitedly point to one of the pictures in the book after reading over the description briefly.]

I want to be a druid! An elf druid!

[He doesn't know what a druid really does, but by the looks of it turns into animals and that's awesome.]

EXPLORATION

[hintcoinplz]

When do we get to meet the Black Bat?

O-oh, opps. I'm supposed to talk as my character, aren't I? Ahem.

[He tries deepening his voice a little. But considering his squeaky British accent the results are less then successful.]

"Perhaps if we find this wizard he will be able to tell us more about this terrifying creature."

[likescats]

[Just looking at the sheets. What is this I don't even.]

[inthebones]

[Susan stares blankly for a few moments before she returns a sheet to Edward. The class is 'Mostly Human Schoolteacher', the Level is 1000, and every stat is about 20x higher than it ought to be.

She looks quite content with her decisions.]

[strike_you_out]

[A little clueless, Slugger stares as the sheet in front of him before taking a glance at both Susan and Death's sheets or the sheets of whomever else is sitting nearby for ideas. Finally, he'll just decide something and write down whichever numbers he happens to like at the time. The sheet is then returned to Edward with a small grin.

'Character Name: The Holy Warrior'; 'Class: Paladin']

[glowing_skye]

[Long after everyone else appears to be done, Ema's still pouring over the books and working on her stats. There are roughly a billion options, and she wants to pick the best ones. Scientifically speaking.]

Is there any kind of alchemist class?

[questionauthority]

Something wrong, Bill?

[strike_you_out]

['Weird' is one word for it. Before the game's end, Slugger has somehow donned the supposed apparel of his character, which consists of a suit of blue and gold armor, scarlet cloak, and a golden sword, without ever having left the table. And is it your imagination or has he grown inexplicably handsome in the past several hours?]

[questionauthority]

[Edward peeks at the book, reading snippets of the description for druids.]

"Secretive and enigmatic, druids call the wilderness their home... They regard challenges as tests... ...They have the cunning of the beast and the fury of the storm."

[He peeks back up at Luke and grins.]

I like the sound of that.

[questionauthority]

I can't even begin to tell you everything that is wrong with this character sheet. To start, you're significantly overleveled.

[questionauthority]

A Paladin, hmm? That's rather ambitious.

[He peeks quickly at the Player's Handbook to read its description.]

"To you is given the responsibility to unflinchingly stand before an enemy’s charge, smiting them with your sword while protecting your allies with your sacrifice. Where others waver and wonder, your motivation is pure and simple, and your devotion is your strength. Where others scheme and steal, you take the high road, refusing to allow the illusions of temptation to dissuade you from your obligations."

[inthebones]

I know.

[Wasn't that obvious already?]

[strike_you_out]

[There come two loud knocks on the table, especially so because the knocker has somehow managed to get himself a pair of gold gauntlets from an unknown source.]

Hey, Wiz. You home?

[Slugger grins across the table at Edward.]

I'm here to see the Wizard. The wonderful Wizard of Oz.

[strike_you_out]

[His grin becoming all the more obvious, Slugger nods and responds to this description with a low, even tone.]

Such are the responsibilities of a Holy Warrior.

[questionauthority]

There isn't.

[Flipping through the books, flipping through the books.]

But perhaps playing a Wizard might be your best option. They specialize in elements of the Arcane and assembling the components necessary for casting rituals.

[That's kinda like alchemy, right? He passes her the rulebook so she can go over the details herself.]

[questionauthority]

Apart from the fact that one ordinarily stops gaining experience at level thirty, each of you will be starting at level one.

[inthebones]

Oh, right, we're pretending to be someone else. Hm. I suppose that means I'll have to downgrade to 29.

What was the point of this game again?

[questionauthority]

Well then, you have two options. Have you determined whether or not your Holy Warrior will be an Avenging Paladin? Or a Protecting Paladin?

[strike_you_out]

[not missing a beat] Protecting.

[glowing_skye]

[Ema takes the book and reads. From what it sounds like, wizards treat magic like science! Perfect.]

I'm going to be a wizard, then.

[Hope you don't mind waiting longer for her to optimize her scores.]