I put on my robe and wizard hat.

[questionauthority]

Who: Edward Nigma, Ema Skye, Susan Sto Helit, Luke Triton, Lil' Slugger, and Death
What: The Riddler leads a merry band of adventurers on an epic quest for survival.
Where: In the realm of imagination (726 Anderson Lane)
When: Sunday, February 12th, 195X
Warnings: Potential for critical failures.

[You find yourselves in a crowded little dining room in 726 Anderson Lane, seated around a long table. There is a large grid laid out along the table, along with miniature figurines, pencils, papers, and multicolored die of different shapes and sizes. At the head of this table, hiding behind an elaborate screen is none other than your Dungeon Master, Edward Nigma.

> Roll for History

The Riddler received this tabletop RPG as a stocking stuffer this past Christmas, and after two months, it's finally time to put the game to good use.

> Roll for Bluff

Sorry, Puzzle Party Death House. There's no way you're getting out of this one. Instead...

> Roll for Endurance

Because by god, you're going to need it.]

Comments

[glowing_skye]

I'm pretty sure I have something on Marie's spell list that can do that.

[She looks at her spell sheets.]

I cast Burning Hands.

[inthebones]

Isabel casts Politely Clapping Hands.

You know, Edward, this is much more fun than I thought it would be. I have to give you some credit.

[questionauthority]

That isn't even a spell!

And the door is fireproof.

[glowing_skye]

That's cheating!

[questionauthority]

You're cheating! It's a metal door.

[glowing_skye]

Marie takes the paladin's sword and attacks it, then!

[Except that she has a negative two modifier to strength and no proficiency in swords.]

[inthebones]

Isabel also points out to the less scientific amongst us that metal melts at appropriately high temperatures.

[questionauthority]

And the Dungeon Master points out to the less experienced players amongst us that he is a Wizard. Have you even stopped to consider how many enchantments he could possibly have bestowed upon that door for the purpose of security?

[glowing_skye]

Marie's a wizard, too!

She removed all of the enchantments before they attacked the door.

[questionauthority]

What?! Since when!?

[inthebones]

While we were passionately making out, of course. It was a cleverly calculated distraction for Marie to work her magic while the wizard was busy ogling.

Try to keep on top of things, Edward.

[strike_you_out]

Unhand that! The Sacred Sword works only in the hands of a Paladin. The Holy Warrior charges through the door using his Scared Powers!

[You are all in luck for he has at the table with him a real sword. Edward's cardboard walls will be no match for it as he leans over and pokes at the castle.]

[questionauthority]

[And the castle gets stabbed by Slugger's sword, prompting Edward to slide back in his chair.]

Be careful with that!

[strike_you_out]

[He stops to whisper at Eddie.]

Have we reached Level 2?

[questionauthority]

That's---No, you haven't reached Level 2. 100 experience points for---for keeping us all on the edge of our seat.

[strike_you_out]

[ Yes! ]

[inthebones]

[whisper]

We're actually at Level 30. Edward doesn't know yet.

[glowing_skye]

There! We broke through.

Now can we set him on fire?

[questionauthority]

If you really think that's wise.

[Come on, Ema, don't do this to him.]