in my darkest hours I could not foresee; (CLOSED)

[gandere]

WHO: Rin Tohsaka (gandere), Kariya Matou (waiting_for_the_worms), & Lancer (riastrad_ridire).
WHAT: One of the parental figures in Rin's life needs to meet her "boyfriend".
WHERE: Neutron Diner.
WHEN: June 24th, early afternoon.
WARNINGS: None. May have spoilers for Fate/ due to the people involved.

[ Rin's nervous. With the recent radio call followed by the frantic "investigators" of the town coming together with their own thoughts and ideas, it was important that dinner become lunch. She may have not been able to properly warn Kariya in time and besides, Lancer needed to get a good look at him to understand just who it is he was to protect over her now.

Well, she could insist on that point. Lancer tended to ignore her these days, choosing instead to favor the girl over any of her chosen charges instead.

So she'll be sitting at a table in the Neutron Diner by herself, waiting for the man to join her. Lancer should be nearby, he tends to be, so she doesn't seem wholly concerned. In fact, the diner is pretty empty in favor of other things going on in the town. How fortunate for her to choose this place and this time. ]

Lancer. There's something I should tell you first about this man. [ Rin will speak out loud even though he's yet to make an appearance. ] I consider him my uncle.

Comments

[riastrad_ridire]

...damn, never thought I'd hear 'Lancer' and 'right' in the same sentence with that context--wait, Rin, what the hell?!

[waiting_for_the_worms]

I, uh... I don't really need to know the details, Rin.

1/2

[gandere]

[ Shooting Lancer another 'look'... ]

Well, how will you go about it? Pull out Gae Bolg and if it misses, you know it's the real one?!

[gandere]

[ And then the sweetest smile to her uncle. ]

It isn't like that, Uncle Kariya. He's the type who easily flusters, so if he were to find the most popular girl on his lap, he'd get upset so quick.

[riastrad_ridire]

Wait a damn minute--I didn't miss when I was aiming for him, you just skipped on by with some bullshit magic and undid what can't even be undone in the first place! Don't go making it sound like I can't aim worth a damn!

[waiting_for_the_worms]

I think waking up to that sort of thing would surprise just about anyone, Rin.

[He has no way of really commenting on any of the things she's saying to Lancer, so he'll just let the two of them fight that one out for the moment.]

[gandere]

Uncle Kariya, I want it known and on the record that Lancer can't aim well. You should have seen how long it took him when we were trying to be intimate.

[ A scoff. ]

And no, it's different with him. He's a real idiot. Not like Lancer, but a whole other class of idiot.

[riastrad_ridire]

WAIT WHAT?!

[waiting_for_the_worms]

Intimate?

[Damn it.]

You're making sure to be responsible about it, aren't you? Does Mayfield even sell that kind of protection?

[Grr grr side-eyeing Lancer, you better not hurt her, grr.]

[gandere]

Protection?

[ (gtroll) ]

What's that?

[riastrad_ridire]

...Please kill me.

Just go ahead and kill me right now.

[waiting_for_the_worms]

I knew it. I'm going to have to give you kids 'the talk,' aren't I? Of course Tokiomi would teach you everything he knows about the Tohsaka magic and forget to leave out something like that.

[gandere]

[ Lancer, this is what you get for teasing her so badly the other day. So about the norm. ]

'The talk'? Is that another incantation I need to learn as a magus?

[riastrad_ridire]

Rin, quit playing stupid, you know exactly what's going on here--and wait just a damn minute, do I look like a kid to you?!

[waiting_for_the_worms]

Be quiet, Lancer. This is something Rin needs to know before the two of you make a mistake you can't take back.

[Kariya gets out the salt and pepper shakers.]

All right, Rin, listen carefully. When a man [holds up the pepper] and a woman [holds up the salt] love each other a lot, they will start to feel perfectly natural urges toward one another. And that's okay, but it's important to be responsible about it.

[gandere]

[ There's a small part of Rin that feels guilty for giving her uncle this treatment, but this is too funny for her. So she'll continue to act as though she's ignorant in favor of continuing it along. ]

Does this mean I have to be responsible when I beat Lancer up? Geez...

[riastrad_ridire]

Rin...

[waiting_for_the_worms]

[This is almost too ridiculous for him to believe. Almost. But then again, Rin is still one of Uncle Kariya's precious little angels, so he's going to have to continue.]

...No, that's not it. I'm talking about making love, Rin.

[Of course he would call it that, ridiculous childish romantic that he is.]

So the man [moving the pepper shaker] will give the woman [moving the salt shaker] a... special kind of hug. With his clothes off. And, um, her clothes will be off too.

[Pausing here to gather his thoughts. God, this is hard. Why isn't there a manual or something for this talk?]

[gandere]

Oh, so you mean like this? [ Incoming hug from the tsundere, Kariya . Think quick! ] It would be weird to hug without any clothes on geez!

[riastrad_ridire]

Kariya, for the sake of whatever god you people answer to now, stop.

She's messing with your head.

She knows exactly what you're talking about.

[waiting_for_the_worms]

[Yeah, that is a pretty awkward hug given the subject matter of his talk. Kariya drops the shakers, one of them clattering to the floor.]

What was that? Rin, is that true?

[gandere]

You'd believe him over me?

[ :'( ]

[riastrad_ridire]

Knights don't lie. At least not the good ones, and you'd be hard-pressed to find a better knight than me.

[waiting_for_the_worms]

[Kariya sighs, picking up the salt shaker.]

All the same, it's better to be safe than sorry. Rin, listen to me carefully. Sometimes when the man and the woman want to show each other how much they care, they'll do a thing called sex. And the man will put his, ah...

[He looks around a little to make sure no one is listening.]

...his penis... inside the woman. And that's okay if you two love each other, but it's also how babies are made. So if you're going to do that kind of thing, you need to make sure Lancer uses something called a condom.

[Yeah, sorry Lancer, Kariya's a sucker and far more inclined to believe Rin.]

[gandere]

[ Crap, Kariya's really going all out on this. Rin looks almost horrified now. ]

H-Hey! You don't have to explain it like that!