mayfield_logs | You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star. [CLOSED]

Entry tags:

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star. [CLOSED]

Who: Marisa and Ciel
What: In need of medical attention and spiritual guidance? Ask a woman of faith! Marisa... has Ciel. She sort of counts.
Where: 1125 Taylor
When: Morning of the Break Event
Warnings: blood, angst, nagging and the butchering of Christian dogma.

Soul. The word rebounded to me, and I wondered, as I often had, what it was exactly. People talked about it all the time, but did anybody actually know? Sometimes I'd pictured it like a pilot light burning inside a person--a drop of fire from the invisible inferno people called God. Or a squashy substance, like a piece of clay or dental mold, which collected the sum of a person's experiences--a million indentations of happiness, desperation, fear, all the small piercings of beauty we've ever known.

-SUE MONK KIDD, The Mermaid Chair

Marisa awoke to an sharp pain. Yes, this wasn't uncommon given how often she fell asleep down in the basement at the worktable, but the sharp pain was typically in her back or her neck from sleeping in an odd position. Not this time. This was an unusual sharp pain on her right leg. Her right thigh to be exact.

The witch threw the sheets off to take a look at her leg only to find not only the bottom half of her nightgown soaked in blood, but the sheets about her leg as well. Bright red, wet... fresh. She hissed as she pulled the bloodied cloth of her nightgown up to stare at the gouge in her thigh... A very familiar one. Ragged, jagged, and deep.

She'd died from this wound when her body had stopped trying to heal itself when the radiation was thick in the air. It just bled and bled and bled and kept bleeding. And after Patchouli had died in her arms... Marisa had given up on trying to staunch the bleeding, succumbing to the blood loss. But now was different. This had healed... hadn't it? HADN'T IT?

"Ciel."

Was this because of the machine that gone blown up?

"Ciel!"

Was she starting to fall apart because she had no soul to hold herself together?

"C-CIEL!!"

What was going on?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"That would really depend on the context. Any of the cases you mentioned are possible." She replies neutrally, though there's a small pause before she continues.

"That's wishful thinking. While there probably is a chance for it, a possessed soul will have a really hard time regaining back any control on its own. A great majority of the times, external interference is almost always needed. That's why exorcists exist, after all. It's how things are in my world." She's starting to catch on to ideas about why Marisa is asking her all this all of a sudden, but let's give it a bit more time and see where this goes first.

"Oh."

So Marisa was only 'back' because something else decided it was time for her to return. Did that mean she could still be taken back over at any moment? Did it really mean her soul wasn't her own?

"I guess that makes sense. Does your world have things without souls that seem so much like they're real, like they do? At least enough to fool a reasonably skilled magician..."

The quick shift of Marisa's expression to the more down and sour was hard to miss.

"Humans with weak magical resistance can be manipulated, but their soul is their own: possession is one of the few ways to take control. If you're asking for something non-organic to imitate the state of a soul, then I would say that it's impossible. Even taking the example of a homunculus, a man-made doll created through thaumaturgy to bear the traits of a real person, once that doll learns to think and feel for its own, it acquires a soul. Since homunculi are generally programmed to do their creator's bidding, an average homunculus is not very different from a machine. The rare ones crafted with great mastery and whose growth has been tended to carefully however can develop differently, it's a feat that both the Einzbern family and the Atlas Academy are known to have achieved. ...Well, some people may disagree with me, but that's how I would say it." She slumps her shoulders a bit, now finishing up with the washing and grabbing a clean towel by the side to dry her leg.

...

She breathes out.

"But you know, these things are meaningless here. No matter how such rules worked in our world, we're in a different world now where the most basic laws of mortality are completely ignored. What makes you think that any of what I've said may apply in Mayfield?" The towel is carefully wrapped around Marisa's injured leg while Ciel continuously channels healing to make sure that there's no pain or more bleeding to the best of her abilities. Her tone, however, has turned from clinical to serious. She will effectively be looking at Marisa in the eyes, or searching for them if the blonde witch refuses to meet her quiet and stern gaze.

"I don't." Marisa's eyes flicker up to meet Ciel's gaze a moment before dropping again.

"I'm just trying to understand what a soul is. I never really had to think about it before. I don't even know if it's possible to feel one."

Is that so...

Hm, if that's what she says. She'll nod before moving on also, finishing up on drying Marisa's leg.

"Is it that difficult? It could be just said to be who you are in a more abstract form, if we remove your physical body from the equation. But if you didn't have to think about it before, then why start now, if you don't mind me asking? There's already enough to preoccupy any mind as things currently are."

"I just... wonder if it can be stolen. Like anything else can. Taken away and you never notice..."

There's more Marisa could say, but she seemed to clam up then. She didn't want to say it out loud, voice her fears so clearly. Patchouli said she shouldn't think about it, that it will only make her upset, and that she had to believe... but it was hard. Especially, when she couldn't remember...

"You wouldn't have thought of something like this if it wasn't for Mayfield, so isn't it related after all?" Her tone isn't admonishing, but there is a lightly chiding quality that seems to convey 'you don't need to hide it'.

Which is just as quickly negated.

"But I suppose that it doesn't matter, it boils down to a question of personal belief. I don't think that souls can be stolen, no. Definitely not here, at any rate. Are you wondering about the timeframe between when you first woke up here, and that of your previous stay which you don't remember?"

"..."

Despite knowing that Ciel had picked up on what was bothering Marisa, the witch was still reluctant to voice it. She was worried that she'd be told it was nothing to be concerned about - dismissed, almost. Right now... With this subject... She's not sure she can handle being nagged over this.

"...yeah." But Ciel already had half of it figured out. "And... the machine. The one everyone thought the one in the Dairy was. Alice told me my soul had..."

"A half-baked 'truth' out of an April Fools' joke." She completes, eyes closed and looking neutral, if not cold. "People were definitely allowed into the dairy back then and a machine has been found, but even if it supposedly contained souls at that time, it's clear that it doesn't now. We now know the machine there is in truth responsible to overlook the revival and healing process to those who die." Setting the towel aside, she reaches out for the red cloth to finish the wrapping.

"I'll tell you something about that airhead vampire." There's a faint edge of annoyance, but not without acceptance. "She was supposedly permanently droned... November, December? Not last year, but the year before. She came back around February last year, without a single memory of this place. Just like you." Without looking up, she'll carefully start to bandage the wound close, squeezing a little here and there. It may cause a bit of pain, but nothing unbearable. If anything, Marisa may be able to feel for herself the special properties that Burial Cloth possesses.

"She became droned again soon after, and stayed that way until she came back once more last June. She's been around since. She recognized this town this time and knew the basics already, so it's much more than nothing despite the fact that her memories were fuzzy." Gingerly clipping the edge of the cloth shut, she finally pulls away.

"Putting this case aside with what you know, what do you think this means?" She meets Marisa's eyes again, and no words are needed to see that she wants the witch to think about this for a bit. Becoming droned and coming back as a blank slate is possible, but so is becoming droned and returning with previous memories of this place. Sure, this idea may seem disjointed from the subject of a soul's properties in Mayfield, but Ciel sure seems to think that they're related.

"Everyone says it was a joke, but no one knows for sure. Patchy is terrified of that thing, because of what she saw and heard when she went to it. She said she heard my voice... the voice of others who had gone..."

Marisa sighed and winced a bit at the pressure on her leg, but she then let out a smaller sigh of relief. She then listened to what Ciel said about Arcueid. So, the vampire had been here, then disappeared. She came back and didn't remember being there before. Like Marisa. And then she left again, but came back remembering? Marisa's brow furrowed as she thought about it.

"...that the memories are there. Somewhere. I just... don't have enough information."

"And what's the point of dawdling? It's not like we can rewind time to check once more. Besides, at that time, the machine was also destroyed. We just woke up the second day and were told it was a joke." She'll dismiss it as many times as she has to.

"...Hm. You're from Gensokyo, right Marisa? There are many others from there too, I was acquainted with a few myself before they were droned. You don't seem like the sort of person who would be able to stay put in one place for long. So can you tell me if there was a point in any time, when you noticed someone suddenly going missing with no reason or explanation at all?"

At that question, Marisa visibly flinched. No, she did more than flinch; she looked very much like Ciel had just slapped her across the face. In reality, the executioner had stirred up memories of her younger years that she tried to never think about.

And then she tried to get out of the bathtub.

"...Gaah, it doesn't work that way!" ...Okay so maybe that was a bad example, it was much easier to keep track of everyone in Misaki City due to proximity. Ciel has admittedly no idea if that would be the case for Gensokyo, and if anything, she already knew it was quite large.

"Please settle down and let me finish, you'll injure yourself again like this." It's not a command, but a sharp warning. She's also standing now, fully alert. If Marisa's leg doesn't get the better of her first, Ciel will make sure that she doesn't recklessly hurt herself.

Marisa got halfway out of the tub before her leg gave out on her and she pitched forward, catching herself on the floor giving a really nasty curse.

"Don't talk about people from Gensokyo disappearing without a trace and without warning so fucking casually."

...

Her shoulders slump a bit and she brings a hand to her temple. A wave of wariness flashes through her eyes, but a blink later, it's gone.

"I'm sorry. ...There's no way I'd be aware of your actual circumstances, I've been careless to cite examples in complete ignorance."

Rubbing her forehead and swallowing a sigh, she extends a hand.

"I won't speak of it again. May I help you up? I'm almost done." And now that the lid's open, she can only accept the fact that the worst of things are yet to come.

"No one knows." Except Reimu, but that was moot since the shrine maiden wasn't there.

For a long moment, Marisa stared at that hand as she debated smacking it away. She didn't exactly believe Ciel when she said she wasn't going to speak of it again. But... she had a nasty leg wound and if she didn't get it taken care of with someone who obviously could, Patchouli would scold her. So, she took the offered hand.

"Yeah... fine. Whatever."

It took some effort to hold back another sigh.

"Try to stay standing for a bit to let the blood flow readjust. If all went well, you should be able to walk okay now, but if it reopens, please come back to see me as soon as you can. I know that you'll probably ignore it if it's just a bit, but don't push yourself and lose too much blood out of stubbornness." Saying that in a somewhat tired voice, she'll kneel over to finish up.

"At any rate, what I'm trying to say is that after having seen countless come and go, from my world as well as others', I'm convinced that our presence here doesn't change a single thing from home. Arcueid, Akiha-san, Tohno-kun, Kohaku-san, Hisui-san, Sion, even that cat... We were all surprised to find each other here when we first arrived, but not once can we say that one of us suddenly vanished without explanation from Misaki City where we all met. As for myself, before I moved to this house, I think I went home during the day that I was droned. 2 years have passed and I returned to headquarters in Vatican. ...Hm, maybe I never left, but I definitely have new memories from home, and I could probably confirm them if he was still around."

Breathing out quietly, she stands back up to meet Marisa's eyes.

"It's easier to make a copy than to build something from scratch. Have you heard of this saying before? It's a theory, but I think that may be the case here. We all act the exact same way as we would from home, we can also gain access to everything that belonged to us provided that enough time passes. The heads of Mayfield have absolute control over everything inside this town, they can give us something as easily as they can to just take it away again. But do you think that it'd make sense, for the town to have as much power outside? If there's one thing we've witnessed repeatedly, it's that the illusion of perfection this town tries to maintain is extremely flimsy and fragile. It's easy to take note from the leaked phonecalls that more and more, order is falling apart and control is slipping from the fingers of figures like the mayor. So if people started going missing all over from different worlds outside, don't you think that someone would take notice? If Mayfield is trying to hide, it can't do that from countless other planes all at once, and definitely not forever. I also seriously doubt that it has enough power to do something as ludicrous as erasing our entire existence from our home realities. That would cause a huge unbalance, there's no way this plane can achieve anything of the sort. That's why in a sense, we're not actually here. Do you follow?"

Marisa stands as directed, wincing in pain, and grit her teeth.

"It stands to reason that this place is either outside the flow of time... or we're not real," Marisa said quietly in response. "A universe with its own laws, created for one reason. Like Makai."

The witch blinks back some tears. "I wish Alice was still here. She's from Makai."

"But it's still breaking down, what's outside is likely a nuclear wasteland. They don't care what happens to us, but at the same time they need us." In the end, she can't help but sigh again.

...

Did she miss the others? Shiki, Akiha, Merem? When Arcueid was droned?

...

She's always been good at repressing these things, admittedly. No, she'll stop thinking about that now before it goes too far.

"After all that's happened... It's for the best." It's a weak statement, but one she nevertheless believes to be true. "You'll see her again, it's just a matter of time." It may be overly simple and optimistic, but it's all she's got.

"Do you want to try walking back on your own? ...I'd honestly discourage you against it, but as long as you're careful, it should be good for a bit longer."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star. [CLOSED]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject