Kyo Sohma (
that_cat_that_hates_leeks) wrote in
mayfield_logs2012-03-13 05:33 pm
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Bringing the old to the new, [Closed]
Who: Satou Kuroneko (
priceofmagic) & Kyo Sohma (
that_cat_that_hates_leeks)
What: Hanging out, enjoying some malts and shakes while taking a tour of the town. Also some unexpected discussions.
Where: The Malt Shop, then Kyo walks Satou home.
When: 3/12, after this thread, after classes.
Warnings: Some language (it's Kyo, what do you expect?)
The two arrived at the malt shop, Satou wanting to treat Kyo on being new to Mayfield. There was a lot he found difficult to work with in his two days of being here, but despite his usual tendencies he endured, somehow. The two looked over the menu as they had just gotten there.
The stares of the drones kept bothering him, though. He knew he wasn't normal, and even without his secret nature from his past life, he kept his hair color. Although, looking at his bare wrists, seeing that he didn't have to deal with his past for now almost entirely balanced it out. It was like a new take on his life, a well-needed breather. The drones were creepy as heck, all the same.
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What: Hanging out, enjoying some malts and shakes while taking a tour of the town. Also some unexpected discussions.
Where: The Malt Shop, then Kyo walks Satou home.
When: 3/12, after this thread, after classes.
Warnings: Some language (it's Kyo, what do you expect?)
The two arrived at the malt shop, Satou wanting to treat Kyo on being new to Mayfield. There was a lot he found difficult to work with in his two days of being here, but despite his usual tendencies he endured, somehow. The two looked over the menu as they had just gotten there.
The stares of the drones kept bothering him, though. He knew he wasn't normal, and even without his secret nature from his past life, he kept his hair color. Although, looking at his bare wrists, seeing that he didn't have to deal with his past for now almost entirely balanced it out. It was like a new take on his life, a well-needed breather. The drones were creepy as heck, all the same.
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"Y-yeah... If they bother you then I could go beat them up for you?"
She made the order when a waitress came by and rested her elbows on the table, not thinking too much about her table manners at the moment. Her mind was focused mostly on her empathy, and trying to sort through her feelings. "Um... do you have any more questions? About Mayfield? You already knew about the milk, but..."
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When the brain freeze subsided, he answered finally while looking at her, "Oy... what kind of ... things, does this place do to people?" Curiosity kills the cat, but he knew it would be rude to ask her outright what happened to her.
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"Hm?" His question seemed roundabout. After all, it wasn't as if what she had casually blurted earlier wasn't on Satou's mind. She felt stupid for so openingly saying something like that. It wasn't a smart way to start a friendship, anyway. "You're referring to the fact I said I'd died, right? You don't need to worry. I'm sure it's possible to stay safe if you're smart about it, and I'll protect you."
(Getting too tired, sorry, nightnight x.x this is fun though~)
He looked down when Satou started answering him, having figured him out so easily, like an open book. "Look, I'm not worried about myself already. I mean, I am! But I want to know what this town does so I know how to protect others," His head lowers further. Someone like her getting hurt like that... his fingers clench into fists. "how to protect you too, even if you'll protect me."
( No problem! Please rest well! 'u' )
Not that she would ever bring this up. If anything, Satou felt more motivated to hide her selfish true nature.
"But please don't worry about me. I've already proven that I make stupid decisions..." A shiver ran down her spine as the memory replayed itself. Laying on the concrete with a stab wound she hadn't expected and a countless number of follow up attacks while she was down.
She shook her head and took a deep breath, trying to remind herself to stay useful and answer the question. "While I've been here, the town has only done a few things. People were once tricked into being forgotten, and there was a point when horrible experiments were conducted on innocent people. From what I've seen, the dangers here are usually widespread and not specific to one certain person."
(I did this time! How about you?)
His face betrayed himself though, as he grimaced and looked away again. "This town can go bite its own ass, really." To him it seemed now that it wouldn't be a simple idea of 'protecting' for either of them, but he'd be damned if he wouldn't try, at least for her sake.
...'her sake'? Why is it my business all of a sudden? Maybe it was just the town getting to him already, he told himself. Forcibly removed from everything he knew in a single night, after spending nearly nine months with—. . .
And then an overwhelming sense of guilt began to creep over him. It caused even greater alarm for him than the stares of the drones.
I did it again, didn't I? Yesterday...
That girl tried to help me, comfort me, like she did, and all I did was yell at her.
To anyone just looking at him at that moment, his body language seemed like a simple sulk, if tense. But inside he wanted to run, run away so much. It was going to become unbearable eventually, but he stayed there for now, brooding while fighting with himself.
(Yes, I did as well ~)
Someone felt guilty.
Who was it?
Satou watched him curiously. If not for his body language then she would have assumed these feelings were her own, and proceeded to try to remember any and all reasons she had to feel guilty. If his looks served any purpose to the Witch of Sins it was to keep her from making herself feel pointlessly awful.
"Kyo-kun?" The young witch looked concerned. Someone so nice shouldn't be suffering from such sad feelings. "Kyo-kun... what's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?"
Her concerned look faded to a weak smile, in an attempt to chase some of his sad feelings away.
"Talking about problems can make them seem smaller, right...? And it's easier to pummel small things than it is to pummel big ones! So...?"
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Kyo heard her, and he knew that Satou was trying to reach out to him. Paralysis kept him still, the state of indecision gnawing at him. Things were only going to get worse in time if he let himself go out of control, go out of his mind. And yet, the only thing he could think of was that he could only hurt people. Not help them, or protect them, not even talk to them properly.
It was only because this person in front of him looked and acted as she did, that he took a chance and stayed put, explain himself, rather than just run away.
Because of what stopped him before. Because of who stopped him before.
"I'm not good company," he blurted bluntly, his tone harsh. "I can't promise I won't hurt you with who I am... what I am. I've already said harsh things to people here. I don't know what else I'll do later on." He also had no idea if, or rather when, his curse would return. If that flying cat from before was right, he might get it back whether he wanted it or not.
"It'd be better for everyone if they had nothing to do with me." Kyo said, gritting his teeth. He got up, moments to leaving his seat and leaving, still not looking at Satou. At least he got what he wanted to say off his chest, to warn her about himself.
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Satou hesitated, wondering for a moment if they were maybe similar in this way. How he thought he was bad company for the who, the what, the hurt he might cause... As she continued to listen, it occurred to her that what he was saying really did sound similar to thoughts she'd had many times before about herself.
"H-hey, Kyo-kun!" She got up at the same time, an automatic movement that she hadn't thought through. To make sure he didn't leave the table, Satou reached out to grab his hand in an attempt to keep him still. It took her a second to even realize she had moved, and it took another second to realize she ought to say something.
But what was there to say?
I'm worse.
No, that seemed poorly timed.
I'm sure if I told you about myself, you'd realize how wonderful you are in comparison.
No no... he'd just have more reason to run away if she said that. She didn't want that.
She tilted her head, trying to look him in the eyes even when he wasn't looking at her.
"I'm sure you have reasons to think those things. I don't want to stand here and say that your opinion is useless and that I don't think you're capable of making good judgments. But um." Satou was rambling a bit. She wasn't sure where these words were coming from. "So far, talking together and walking together, and now having milkshakes together, uh... Well, it's been fun. I haven't known you long enough to say if you're right or wrong but uh... um..."
Ahah. She realized where these words were coming from now and felt worse for saying them, but continued.
"Who you are and what you are, um... I'd like to get to know all of these things about Kyo-kun for myself. I'd like a chance to make my own judgments." And then she moved her hand back, only now realizing what she'd been doing was socially inappropriate, and scratched her cheek nervously. "B-besides... I mean, if there's anyone who's bad company here it's definitely not you..."
And then it dawned on her. Causing her to move her hands again, this time waving them in front of her as she panicked more than she should.
"I-I mean! Unless! You've already figured that out and you'd rather not associate with someone like me, but you're too polite to say it in which case! I'm really sorry about calling you out like this! F-forget it ever happened!"
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He barely registered the first things she said, already reverting to his older, crueler feelings of himself, even as he let her talk.
"...talking together... walking together... milkshakes together..."
A twitch to his eyes, so very slight, and he snapped back to reality, listening to the girl here now. His eyes were angled to see where Satou had grabbed him. When she realized and released her hold, his eyes moved up to finally see her own.
Sighing at her panic, his body relaxed, a sorrowful look on his face.
"Moron, it's nothing like that! ...What you said just now." He fumbled with his own words now, losing sight of her just a little as he tried to figure out what it was he wanted to say.
What could he tell her, really? That she would be wrong? That he would go, 'I told you so!' later? It would only belittle her. The beast was calm and perhaps too self-aware to want to do that to her now.
"I want to get to know you, too. I want to be friends with you."
"...Together."
It was the simplest, least painful way he could say what he was feeling, for both of their benefit. Admitting anything else right now would make things worse, he thought. She already knew somehow that he was scared out of his wits and feeling awful from this place, and it was the only way he could tell himself it was alright to live like this, with her.
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Her panicked expression faded, at first giving in to a surprised look.
Together.
When it was someone else saying it, 'together' sounded nicer. It sounded a bit scarier too and it made her a bit more nervous for when she regained all of her traits. It was going to be pretty miserable when Satou was 'complete' again and everyone in Mayfield realized they should hate her. When Kyo took back that word and replaced it with "alone" or a string of words like "don't talk to me again".
It might almost be easier to give up now. She considered it. Now was the time to run. And tell herself forever that they could have been friends, rather than admit that someone like her probably couldn't really have that.
Her hands came together, clasped tightly to vent her nervousness. Someone else in the building was scared too. She thought those feelings were coming from Kyo. Scared mixed with other upsetting emotions. Satou took a deep breath, trying to forget about her own fear. She could fix that later.
"I'd like that... I'd like that so much. If someone like me would really do... I'd be really happy, um... being friends, so..." She smiled. A forced smile, but a smile none the less. In her attempt to cover her own nerves she lost track of her thoughts, blurting "Please don't be scared." without thinking that she was leaving hints to her empathy.
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Until someone entered his life...no, they were in his life for much longer than that. But she was always near him in recent times, and he tried to bear with it because of his own past guilt.
Someone he might as well have thought of as dead to him now, were Mayfield to have its way with him. And yet, for some reason, it felt like an ultimate betrayal, seeing so many of her traits in this person and feeling moved by that, having to deal with so many coincidences at once just now.
In the span of little more than a year, he lost two people so very dear to his life.
Caught in this cage, living between despair and not wanting to cause hurt for others, he didn't know what to do. It was far easier for people to run away from their problems rather than face them, and he took to that well.
Seeing Satou there, it steeled him in a way; it helped him decide one thing, that forced him to ignore everything else. Ignoring the drones, ignoring his fears, his guilt, everything about him, if she would insist on being what she was to him like this.
He hoped, with all that he could feel, that his secrets would not come back to haunt him anymore than they already have. He didn't want them here, both for their safety and for his own peace of mind. He didn't want to become that thing ever again. He wanted to just live his life like a normal, human being.
He lost two people so very dear to him. Even if this was a dream of some sort, he didn't want to lose someone like her again. But he kept all of this to himself, ashamed of what he felt, afraid of what Satou would think of him should she ever find out.
Which is why it surprised him just a little when she said to not be scared. Was she talking about him wanting to run away before, or for other reasons, like those he was feeling now? Maybe she could just read him well, too well.
"...Oy, are you some sort of psychic or something?"
Quickly, he continued, "That ahoge of yours is creeping me out, it's like you can read my thoughts with that thing." Kyo said this with a reassuring smile though, returning Satou's own.
He wouldn't run away anymore, at least for now.
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It felt wrong to reassure him with a lie. Saying that out loud reminded Satou of what a horrible girl she was to tell a lie so quickly. They'd just agreed to be friends and she'd immediately followed it with something so unfair.
"But um...!" Even so, she was a bit hesitant to tell him. In her home world, witches were hunted and killed by certain people. Even someone you trusted and who meant no harm could get you killed if they spoke to the wrong person. Similarly, having a friend who could read your heart like a book probably wasn't very much fun. Satou imagined it would be scary and make people reluctant to be around her.
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other again, unclasping her hands and biting her lip. It was hard to say what had possessed her to say this. Maybe her fear of betraying someone, or maybe Kyo's burst of courage was contagious. Satou managed to regain her smile, though it was nervous and a tad bit timid.
"No um... not psychic... I-I'm empathetic though...? I guess it... it's similar...? I'm sorry..." She explained quietly, reaching up to try to hold her ahoge down against her head. To be less creepy, she hoped.
(I think this icon should have been swapped with the last one haha)
He sat down again, regardless of any commotion the two might have caused. If the drones said anything, he didn't hear them. He didn't even care. His disdain for them was still strong, but he wouldn't think twice on it if he felt like punching one out at this point.
"Someone I knew from before was a psychic, using electric waves or some weird thing to tell vibes. I didn't get to know her very well, but she always..." he paused for a moment, thinking back to an earlier, better time. "...seemed to be right about people."
If Satou was still concerned about the ahoge at this point, he would go on to say, "Stop trying to hide that thing already. It's... sort of cute, anyway." Kyo averted his eyes, still not sure what to make of how he felt about her.
( so many cute icons!)
She smiled.
"um thank you. Kyo-kun has cute hair too-! Or well. Handsome hair!" She beamed, proud of herself. He seemed okay with her being empathetic too. Maybe it would be okay to tell him she was a witch someday. "I'll try not to invade your privacy. I-I can control it a bit so..."
Satou reached out for her milkshake again.
"thanks... For not being angry with me."
(Yours are far cute, imo)
"It's not like you can actually see what's in my head or things about me like a real psychic, so do what you want." An assumption, but Kyo was nothing if not socially naive.
Empathy belonged to good people. People like her, but he felt too shy to say that much.
"...Mm," Kyo emitted, drinking from his own milkshake from feeling thirsty. Now where were they before this whole scene started?
( ah thanks! I need to draw her more icons ;; )
"Back home, I have to be careful about my empathy because people would kill me over it... So um! If you could keep it a secret..."
It felt like a good time to change the topic. Satou thought back to where their conversation had branched off.
"Um but. If something scary happens here then don't worry! I'll come find you."
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Things Kyo does not get: Mayfield Edition."Yeah, sure. I don't have a reason to blab about that anyway," he answered her request.That again? "Who said I'll be scared!" Kyo replied. There was no telling just what the town would think up though. "... Same for me, I'm not going to trust this place and let you die again. Where do you live? I'm at 1332 Benny Road."
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She knew that.
So it made her feel a bit stupid to not immediately know the answer.
"Um... I... live down... a street." The witch answered. As if this qualified as a real answer. "It's... a nice house. And probably looks exactly like yours?"
Specific.
"... I don't know the address. Just how to get there."
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"Oy, how long have you been living here? Jeez..."
There was only one way to solve that, that came to mind.
"I'll have to walk you home after this then." And then, realizing what that could have made it sound like, he blushed a bit, adding, "B-but that's only because you treated me to this, that's all!"
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"I'd really like that! It would make me feel better if I had someone walk home with me." She said cheerily, "Maybe you'll have a better memory for my address too!"
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"...Fine, we'll do that. You should try to keep your address handy in an emergency too, you know."
While he was still looking off to the side, he looked at the drones again. They didn't seem to pay as much attention as before, yet he couldn't help but feel they were keeping track of him, giving him side-looks and having small-talk with each other from time to time.
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The drones momentarily caught her attention, largely because Kyo had spared them even just a second of his. Satou watched them, wondering what they were talking about, then returned her attention to Kyo.
"It's okay, they're not all bad people. My house is full of them, so... I feel like I'm allowed to say that much about them."
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"... Well, as long as they don't bother you too much, I don't care." He did, but he'll have to trust her on that. What could he do, beat them seneless? And if it would make her feel lonely, what was the point?
Soon enough, the waiter came by with the check for the order. Kyo glanced at it briefly, if just to get an idea of how much things cost here and find a way to pay Satou back later or treat her similarly. Not that he had any idea how to get money in town in the first place, but one thing at a time.
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"Well then! Shall we be on our way?" She put her wallet away, tucking the depressing reality aside as she did so. There was no sense worrying about such a thing. Not now, anyway, when she was having such a nice time talking to Kyo. "Thanks for joining me for milkshakes, by the way. It means a whole lot!"
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Such was on his mind as they were walking together, going uptown to the residential area. He wasn't paying attention to his own melancholic face though, checking the avenues and streets every now and then, without saying much else the rest of the way.
"Oy, this feels like it's halfway across town from where I live..." was what finally came to his lips, realizing the distance they were traveling.
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Finding Bunker Street wasn't very difficult; Satou walked more by instinct and automatic memory than by any actual sense of direction. She had no idea where her street was compared to Kyo's, so trusted his opinion. "This is where I live! It's kind of full of drones, so I guess you don't wanna come inside..?"
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"... Is it lonely for you here?" A simple question in a not-so-simple place they ended up in.
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"... No. For someone like myself, this is more than I deserve." Satou answered after a moment. It was lonely. It was very lonely, but she didn't have the right to think that. The Witch of Sins was being spoiled by fate to even have a roof over her head. "Your house has 'normal people', right?"
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He lowered his arm and looked back at the house, but this was more so he wouldn't have to keep eye contact with her. He couldn't take it anymore. "Dammit, you remind me a lot of someone where I came from." A pause, putting his hands in his pants pockets. "She would think it'd be alright for her to suffer without a word. She would think it's better to be selfless if it's for the sake of others, or whatever she believed in. It annoyed me so much that she would keep things to herself, and you talking about how you deserve living alone, or worse, is bugging the hell out of me too.
"So I'll tell you the same thing I told her... You don't have to be like that, being alright with suffering alone." He stopped to let that sink in. "I can't stand hearing others' troubles, but if it's for your sake, I'll listen." Even if it's for his own sake as well, his own peace of mind here. "You can.. be selfish if you need to feel it." Because he's being selfish himself. "You can complain to me if you want to."
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"... I see." Her voice was soft. There was no tremble of the tears that she wanted to cry, nor was there any trace of the pain she was feeling. It was worse than being stabbed over and over; she knew. She had the experience to compare it to. Satou clenched and relaxed her fist. Inhaled and exhaled. Then turned to Kyo again, smiling her best. "I'm not sure you want to say that. You don't know very much about me."
It annoyed him? She was annoying?
Annoying
annoying
annoying.
The word repeated, molded, lost meaning in her head. Her hard work, wasted
wasted.
"I'm afraid I've no reason to complain. My situation is as it should be. I'm far too lucky to be allowed to do such a thing."
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One person that had always strove to fight his fate, to become properly accepted into his family.
One person that seemed resigned to her fate, feeling they deserve nothing more, possibly far less.
A moment that felt too long passed by, the realization that the girl had been through much more than he fathomed for a normal life. There had to be some reason why she would let herself dangle on the thread of fate she apparently accepted. And, with him keeping his own secrets, wasn't in his right to know just like that.
"You're right, I don't know what you've been through. I don't know what's wrong with me, getting irritated like this." He bared his teeth, shaking visibly. "I can't explain my feelings well, that's how I've always been. Why am I giving such a damn about this?"
Then it hit him, like a brick out of nowhere. Satou was avoiding the issue entirely. She wasn't like her...Tohru. One could at least tell something was wrong when it came to her. That mask, that voice... she had given up a long time ago, in some way. Heavy breathing.
"DAMMIT, I CARE ABOUT YOU!!!" Kyo sharply yelled to the ground, his eyes closed from frustration. The rest of what he said came out softer in tone, however.
"...Tell me then... why do you want me to be your friend? If you're so alright with how things are, why do you reach out for others rather than stay alone?"
His eyes softened as well, still staring downward. "I'm not asking you to tell me your life or your secrets. I'm asking you to be my friend, too."