Paging Kevin McCallister

[ukelelenogood]

Who: Haruko Haruhara and the Once-ler
What: Home intrusion and nonsense
Where: The Once-ler's house
When: Backdated to Thursday, May 3rd
Warnings: Slapstick and idiocy

[Well. It's goddamn judgment day.

Haruko had warned the guy she was coming, so she could only hope that he was ready. He seemed pretty confident he could keep her away, which really just went to show how naive the poor sap was. Not that she was complaining: there was a certain thrill she got from dragging idiots out of their house and into town. She'd make a hobby out of it, or at least do it more often, if she wasn't busy terrorizing the kids in the high school most days.

Either way, she'll be approaching the front door and knocking on it gently. No reason not to start off civil, after all.]

Comments

[truffulacide]

[there's a hole in the side of the house, right above the porch. a small one, mind you, not even a foot wide; it would actually be difficult to really even notice unless you were astute or incapable of seeing the strange, winding pipe sticking out of it. on the end is a strange funnel, not unlike the kind you'd see on a gramophone. when Haruko knocks, it starts shaking slightly before moving - twisting and, no kidding, extending towards her. the sound of gears creaking follows it; obviously it's being controlled from inside the house, probably via lever.

seconds later, a voice begins to speak from it, somewhat tinny in quality but still audible nonetheless.]

Yes? I'm not interested in buying any cookies. [- like this is totally normal. like none of this is strange at all and he isn't expecting any visitors, much less the one he went through all the trouble of making this for just so he wouldn't have to go out to talk to her directly. that would just be silly.]

[ukelelenogood]

[Haruko backs up as the strange communicator extends towards her. She isn't so much bothered or weirded out as she is curious, and she taps the front of the device a moment as if she's seeing if it's real and tangible in front of her. She just smirks a little.

She isn't surprised by this at all. She's certain, in fact, that the Once-ler is the kind of guy who just spends hours sitting by his curtains and looking out at the real world as it passes him by.]

Awwww, but I got Thin Mints!

C'mon, who doesn't love thin mints?

[truffulacide]

[not such an inaccurate image of him, except replace "by the curtains" with "in the attic". right now, it's probably the safest place he can be right now aside from...you know, outside the darn house.]

Ew. I like those little shortbread ones better. They're really good to dunk in hot chocolate.

[mmh. when this is over and he's peeling her off his floor, the first thing he's going to do is go out and buy a big box of those to celebrate his victory. but, moving right along...]

If you don't have any, you might as well just turn around and go back home. Actually, you should just do that anyway.

[there's a pause and when he continues there's an impression of false exasperation in his voice.]

But you won't, will you?

[ukelelenogood]

They're alright. Like I don't like sweet things most times anyway, but thin mints. Thin mints man. They're like everyone's Kryptonite.

[A look of mock horror rolls over her face, and she trembles a little.]

Oh no you're right I should go back home!

But the quickest way to get there is through your house so can I please ever so nicely come on in?

[truffulacide]

Do you really wanna do that?

I'm not even being facetious, I'm completely serious. Weighing all the cons - and believe me, there's a ton - would you really say that coming in here is worth everything bad that can and will happen to you? Think hard because I'm not kidding when I say that a wrong answer will set you back by a hundred points.

[points in this case being her pride. and possible bodily fluids.]

[ukelelenogood]

[Yeah okay. Now you're kind of getting boring. She could argue with you a bit more, but she's thinking she'll give you a demonstration of what you've gotten yourself into now Once-ler.

It's a quick movement as she reaches to snatch part of the extendable horn-communicator things (seriously what the hell is this suppose to be it's like the kind of crap kids would put on their tree house but Haruko supposes that makes sense from what she knows of the guy) and will attempt to tug it out of the wall. To rip it away and toss it away.

And considering she has the strength to hit baseballs into orbit, there's a good chance she might be able to do it.

And if she does succeed at tearing it away and tossing it, she'll just look up and smile.]

On the count of three I'm coming in.

Hope you're ready to choose a tux.

[truffulacide]

[okay, seriously, who could've saw that coming? the metal creaks and groans under her grip and there's a muffled little gasp of horror from his end before she rips the Whisper-ma-phone out. all the way out. considering how many yards of piping we're dealing with here, it's not nearly as neat-as-you-please as one might think.]

Y-You rotten -

[from somewhere inside the house, there's a very loud, very angry cry. he presses his face against the lone, tiny window in the attic, looking down at her with the most angry, petulant expression you'll ever see on a grown man.]

You know, I was gonna go easy on you! I really was! You deserve everything you're going to get!

[and with that, he darts away from the window. if Haruko listens closely, she'll hear a door slam.

and, should she look down at the doorknob, she might notice that it's...buzzing. very quietly.]

[ukelelenogood]

[Haruko just smiles a little more at the Once-ler's reaction. As far as she's concerned, everything is going as planned on her end.

Her face goes into a flat line, however, at the buzzing. Now that is a new one on her, and she begins to bring her ear closer to it to try and hear it better and get an idea of what's going on with it.]

[truffulacide]

[toasters are such an amazing invention, you know. take apart just one and you'll be left with enough components and circuitry to cobble together just about any simple machine. take apart several, though, and you can get REALLY creative. case in point, this cute device he has hooked up to the other side of the door. it's little more than an over-sized joy buzzer, though you wouldn't guess as much if you saw it; it's just a mess of wires and circuit boards sticking out of a mass of metal. there's also a few components stripped from his radio, making it even more of a Frankensteinian monster. presently, it's plugged into the outlet across from the door, pumping electricity into a coil of wires wrapped around the doorknob.

the closer Haruko gets to it, the more she'll feel her skin start to tingle and the little hairs on it start to rise. and should she actually touch it?

well. let's just say it'll give new meaning to being knocked out of your shoes.]

[ukelelenogood]

[Haruko, meanwhile, has no idea about what the vibrating may be aside from it sounding neat. She can feel the hair rise and the tingling, but she doesn't really care. So she'll shrug a bit and go ahead and touch the knob.

Haruko is a tough creature. There's a whole lot of punishment and damage she can take. Having electricity pumped into her, however? Still hurts. It isn't enough to knock her out of her shoes, but it takes her a moment to let go of the knob and she wobbles a bit after the shock. She puts an arm against the door, far from the knob, in able to keep herself upright.

After a couple of seconds she can think again, but she still just leans against the door, head bowed. When she speaks again her voice is slightly muffled. Distorted by an emotion that wasn't there earlier.]

Cute. Real cute.

[And a couple of seconds later, she's kicking the door to pieces. Not down. Not in. But into several hundred splinters, practically disintegrating it.]

I hope the next are as cute as that, asshole!

[truffulacide]

[that doesn't sound good. Once-ler hears it (and how could he not? it practically shakes the whole house) from the base of the attic's stairs, crouched in front of them with a saw in hand. he's been gently sawing away at the legs, not enough to cut them in half, but enough for them to snap if excess weight is applied. it's his back-up plan; heck, pretty much the rest of the traps he has around here would also fall into that category because he was really hoping the electrified doorknob would be enough. most people tend to walk away when they touch one of those...in theory.

evidently, she's not like most people and that's what scares him. he drops the saw and quietly slinks down the hall to the stairs that lead into the living room, seeing the splintered remains of the door, the sparking chunk of busted-up metal that was his makeshift generator -

uh-oh.

- and one ticked off alien. lovely.

crouching down so that she won't see him, he yells out:]

A baby could've gotten in, you dope! Come and get me!

[in hindsight, not a good idea to taunt the scary and possibly insane woman, but it's not a good idea to mess with him either. if she decides to follow his voice - even better, if she runs to it - she'll hit the next of his surprises: a very fine, very thin, very strong wire that he's attached to one end of the wall at the base of the stairs to the other.

there's a bucket he has rigged up to the ceiling to drop if she hits the wire. in it are a dozen mouse traps.]

[ukelelenogood]

[And run she will be. Haruko is, if anything, athletic and on top of that swift. And she is in the mood to just slap the utter living crap out of the Once-ler by this point. She's running on emotion at the moment, so the wire goes by completely unnoticed as she sets it off.

The bucket drops with a clang, stopping her as some of the mousetraps clap onto her arms for the most part. A couple get into and tangle in her hair, and another one onto her shirt.]

Ow!

[It's painful, but it's nowhere near as bad as the electricity. And in an odd way, it calms her down. If that was really the worst you had maybe there isn't too much reason to get all that much more upset. She's still going to make your life a living hell, that much is true, but maybe she won't have to utterly murder you Once-ler.

She stops, pulling the mousetraps off of her and crushing one in her bare hand.]

Oh yeah. Keep digging your grave brother. It's getting good and deep. Six feet down? Try sixty.