Al thought that his heart was about to drown out the sound of Ed's words, it was beating so hard when his brother finally started to talk. He can't deny that he is terrified of hearing this, sick to his stomach at even the idea, let alone the details. But he wouldn't flinch from it, he'd pry it out of Ed one way or another... because however scared he was of this, he'd face fears a thousand times greater for his big brother.
But then he stopped barely a few words in... Al could see the guilt and unsure distress rolling off Ed in palpable waves. It was painful to see, he wanted to ease it away and bring back his brother's infectious huge grin. But he had started this topic of his own volition, he had known it would be distressing for both of them, and he wasn't going to back down just because the going got tough. Neither was he about to shout at Ed, that wasn't how he usually did things and it would only end in him getting shouted back at anyway. Instead he shifted to sit next to Ed properly, close enough that their knees were touching.
"When I had my armour body, I couldn't do anything to express how I was feeling. I couldn't smile, or frown, or cry... and that was the worse one. Even when it hurt so bad after trying to bring Mom back, or when you were so hurt, I couldn't cry. But I could listen to you cry, and when you had a nightmare or the sadness got too much, I could sit with you and help. You were always protecting me, even when you were so badly hurt that you couldn't get out of bed, and I couldn't do anything for you but be there. So... even if I couldn't cry when it hurt, because you let me share your tears and help that way, it eased the pain in me too."
Turning his head to look Ed dead in the face, his eyes blazing with determination and his jaw set stubbornly, he swallowed back the tears threatening to fall fiercely.
"And maybe I can cry for myself now, but I don't ever want to stop listening to you cry when you need to either. I know it hurts, and I can't imagine what the pain must have felt, but you can tell me and maybe it will help ease it a little bit. And when you've finished crying, we can move forwards together, okay?"
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But then he stopped barely a few words in... Al could see the guilt and unsure distress rolling off Ed in palpable waves. It was painful to see, he wanted to ease it away and bring back his brother's infectious huge grin. But he had started this topic of his own volition, he had known it would be distressing for both of them, and he wasn't going to back down just because the going got tough. Neither was he about to shout at Ed, that wasn't how he usually did things and it would only end in him getting shouted back at anyway. Instead he shifted to sit next to Ed properly, close enough that their knees were touching.
"When I had my armour body, I couldn't do anything to express how I was feeling. I couldn't smile, or frown, or cry... and that was the worse one. Even when it hurt so bad after trying to bring Mom back, or when you were so hurt, I couldn't cry. But I could listen to you cry, and when you had a nightmare or the sadness got too much, I could sit with you and help. You were always protecting me, even when you were so badly hurt that you couldn't get out of bed, and I couldn't do anything for you but be there. So... even if I couldn't cry when it hurt, because you let me share your tears and help that way, it eased the pain in me too."
Turning his head to look Ed dead in the face, his eyes blazing with determination and his jaw set stubbornly, he swallowed back the tears threatening to fall fiercely.
"And maybe I can cry for myself now, but I don't ever want to stop listening to you cry when you need to either. I know it hurts, and I can't imagine what the pain must have felt, but you can tell me and maybe it will help ease it a little bit. And when you've finished crying, we can move forwards together, okay?"