mayfield_logs | (no subject)

(no subject)

Who: Karkat and Gamzee
Where: 1668 Benny
When: After Gamzee gets dumped like a loser
What: OH SHIT GET IN THE CAR IT'S THE ROM-COPS
Warnings: Naughty shooshes and scandalous paps

[Unlike some cranky trolls who shall not be named, Gamzee's not one for sulking when he's down. Instead, 1338 Benny's kitchen has turned into floury warzone as he stuffs yet another pie into the oven, humming under his breath and occasionally letting out a startled honk when he steps on one of the horns strewn on the floor. He seems cheerful enough, but the stack of pies on the table says otherwise. He will bake his pain away, okay.]

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[After a while, Karkat will come in intending to get something to eat! Instead he'll trip on a horn in the way in and startle himself so much he'll fall face first into a pile of flour on the floor.]

[Accidentally steps on him...]

Whoa, shit! Haha, you been there the whole time, best friend? Kinda a weird pile to be catching your z's in.

[Getting up and wiping off his face 10 seconds to meltdown...

Wait just kidding.]

Gamzee, I think your pan is actually so rotten that there are entire retarded ecosystems growing in its moldy ruins.

What the fuck did you do to the culinary block?

[Glances around the kitchen in befuddlement.]

Uhhh...getting my motherfuckin' bake on, yo. [Duh.]

It's possible to bake without making a huge disaster area like this.

[Looking at what he's baking.]

Why are you even making this many? You told me you were cutting down.

Really? My culinary block always be lookin' like this after a few pies.

Naaaaaw, it ain't all slime. [Sticks his finger in a recent one and scoops out the filling.] See, this one's cherry.

[Abruptly realizes there is piping hot fresh-out-of-the-oven pie filling on his finger and yelps, sticking it into his mouth.] Fuck, that's hot!

Be careful!

You're so stupid, how can you possibly even be alive.

Ahaause ah aough erien ii oo.

[...takes his finger out of his mouth.] 'Cause I got real fine as tits friends like you, bro.

That's probably true.

I'm not cleaning this up.

S'cool, I can be all tidying this shit up on my own self after I'm done. [Which he obviously isn't yet, judging by how he's rolling out more pie crust.]

Don't forget.

[Starting to wash some dirty dishes, though. He's actually aware Gamzee tends to do this when he's upset, but he also tends to do it for no reason at all, so he isn't really sure what to think.]

What's inspired this latest awful baking binge?

[A shrug.] I just like baking, bro. Ain't nothin' much better for a brother's soul and shit than a hot pie all fresh out of the oven like.

All out of the oven and all over the floor apparently.

[Scoops some of the mess off the floor and tastes it!]

S'cool, it still be tastin' mighty motherfuckin' fine. Wanna try?

No, because that is disgusting.

Tastes okay to me. You can be all up and having the ones what ain't be on the ground though, I might have made a bit too much.

Ugh, no, that's not hygienic, you'll get some kind of horrible human diseases and you don't even know what it will do.

We're tossing out the floor pie and you can eat the ones that aren't infested with human foot germs. I don't even want them, save the others for the Doctor and Jade.

Uhhhhhhhh....

[Incredibly awkward silence in which Gamzee suddenly becomes super preoccupied with mixing the filling for his pie and therefore cannot talk because he is too busy tasting it to make sure he has the proportions right. No proper gentletroll would ever talk with their mouth full, gosh!]

What?

[Looking at him critically for a second before expertly deducing the source of the problem.]

Germs are pathogens that are too small to see, and they live in places like the floor, and if you accidentally eat them, they make you sick. Try getting schoolfed sometime!

[KARKAT YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS...not that Gamzee is any better....]

Like tiny squeakbeasts? Oh fuck, I hope I ain't stepping on none, I don't wanna be accidentally cullin' no germbros or nothing. [Does a handstand in the middle of the floor and squints at the floor.] Sorry if I done ingested any of you motherfuckers, I weren't be rockin' the knowledge of your existence. You can have some pie if you want too, haha.

No. They're not alive-- well, they are, but they're even stupider than you, so they're too stupid to care whether they live or die.

Just forget it, don't eat things off the floor.

[Just gonna remain on his hands here, this is pretty comfortable.]

Sure thing, I ain't gonna take away what my new germbros up and be snackin' on. We can still be chillin' like bros do even if I can't be seeing them. Maybe I'll pour them some Faygo too.

No.

Look, I made them up, germs aren't really something that exists, I was just fucking with you.

Oh.

So...I can eat off the floor, then?

No, because I said you can't.

[This conversation is making zero sense to him, so Gamzee will just do what he always does when it comes to Karkat's special brand of crazy and go along with it.]

Haha, okay. [Flips back on his feet and starts rolling out dough.] I got enough pies to be going on here anyway that there ain't no need to be munchin' on them anywhere else.

You're making more? I thought you said you had enough.

Yeah, but I'm still all down in a baking mood. I can just be handing it out to motherfuckers again if there ain't no more room in the thermal hull, s'cool.

[Leaning against the counter while he sponges up some spilled sugar.]

Is something up?

[Oh god, how does he shot non-happy or angry emotional sharing, this is not something he is used to in the least. Just gonna mumble something under his breath and continue rolling out what is by now paper-thin crust.]

[Wow, okay, now he knows something is wrong. He gives a slightly exasperated sigh, but he doesn't mean it; he knows how it feels to not know how to talk about what's bothering you.]

Hey, shithead, I'm your moirail. Your inane problems actually are my problems.

Spit it out.

[Rubs the back of his head with the hand still holding the rolling pin and getting batter and flour all over his hair.]

...Jade and me kinda broke it off.

Oh.

[And now he feels guilty for sort of being an asshole, because it's more of a real problem than he expected. At least, real by his definition; he tends to see rom problems as pretty serious, and while normally he'd be relieved that it's a subject he knows what to say about, normally Gamzee's problems are pretty easily fixed and this isn't.

He'll reach out and put his hand on the shoulder nearest him, just a little tentatively.]

Sorry, bro.

You feeling okay?

Yeah, I guess. [He leans into Karkat's hand, but doesn't seem like he's about to burst into tears or anything.] Just kinda disappointed it weren't be workin' out, y'know? But if it ain't meant to be, then it ain't meant to be, and that's all there is motherfuckin' to it.

Is it?

Because you didn't say anything, you tried to avoid talking about it.

[He's massaging the muscle of the shoulder to show he doesn't mean any harm by saying so.]

[He looks surprised for a brief moment, and then slightly abashed.]

Whoops, really? Guess I still ain't being too used to...[He waves his hand vaguely, something between 'talking about unhappy feelings', 'having a moirail', and 'damn this pie is so delicious that I already forgot what I was talking about'.]

I know. It's fine, but these things are my business.

Do we need to talk about this? Or feelings jam or whatever you want to call it?

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